Slow roads

Well, it's been some time, much longer than I thought even since I've been really working hard on this.

I got distracted, then demoralised, then some more of both.

In fits and starts I tried to get back on track but it really wasn't working, so I let myself turn to other things such as my hobby of warhammer 40k in order to work out personal problems and the reason that I have so little faith in myself.

So the first warhammer tournament I've been to in years netted me a trophy for the quality of my paintwork, and several inquiries from people wanting me to paint things for them for cash or trade.

Which rather gives the lie to my lack of confidence in my creative abilities doesn't it?

It occurs to me that of everything I have ever tried there is only one thing that I am bad at; Seeing things through.

And that's simply it. Letting fear of an unknown future or change stand in my way and stopping me from even trying hard enough to truly succeed.

Insane, right?

Yet I look around and I see this to be one of the most common drawbacks of the human condition, reflected in so many around me. Even in people I believe to be better or stronger people in many ways.



So how do I or anyone else deal with this malaise? Well if I had an easy answer to that, I wouldn't have the problem. What it comes down to is something I keep saying lately. The solution is simple, but not easy.

Do not allow yourself to give up. Break your problems down and keep chipping away at them until one day you look back and you can see the road travelled laid out behind you, your starting point barely visible from where you are.

Simple, not easy.


For me though, I am getting back on track. I many, many distractions, problems impediments in my way. But the reality is that these will always be there. No-one can spend their whole life thinking; "if I can just get past this little bit, everything will be better." That moment never comes, it's an interminable road that loops back on itself. You can't waste your life looking for some kind of break, they don't exist. To prove this simply look at the statistics of lottery winners that end up in poverty.

Life is a constant slog, a constant process. All you can do is keep forging ahead and never give up.

Simple. Not easy.


For my part I've gone back to the start of project A. Laid out all the changes I want to make, big and small, dismissed or included them and made the final list. Now I am working through from beginning to end, probably will several times, to put all these changes in and get this novel into a consistent and cohesive whole, that is hopefully of very high quality and something people will want to read.

Simple, not easy.

But few things worth doing are easy.